We wish you a Merry....

So I must admit that I am not really feeling the holiday cheer this year... again!!

I'll skip the rant about Christmas being a commercialized holiday and blah blah blah!

I'll even smooth over the "Jesus is the Reason for the Season" This is truth that I do believe and wants the whole entire world to know however, I'm just not in the mood.

I feel this way every year. I can't quite wrap my fingers around it (kinda like luther's curl thats not quite right! )

I'm gonna guess this is because I have been buying gifts for the same people! Doing the same thing every year. I wish I had someone new to buy a gift for. And I kind of want someone to get something for me. Like someone who takes the time out to think about what it is that will make me happy!!

My family does that.

My Loops do that.

but I want to say that my boo did that for me!!

Well I'm going to stop sulking and live it up! Party like its 2009! And by party I mean play with my nephew and continue to tell him that Santa isn't real (he's 2months old!) Maybe I'll watch A Christmas story once or twice circa 2am. And watch Elf @ 5am.

After I eat my spaghetti with Syrup maybe I will feel like singing Feliz Navidad to all of those around me!!!

Safe

So I wrote a new poem (I don't write often mainly because I never really feel inspired to do so) because lately I felt like I had something that needed to be said and I just had to get this off my chest. Feel free to tell me what you think and/or discuss what it is that I'm talking about

Safe

Cynic the pitcher

Is about to strike me out

and it's without a doubt,that I can see this game coming to an end

At the bottom of the 9th and my team has 2 outs

2 Popfly hopefuls that could go, all the way

And unfortunately nobody knows

When the wind is gonna change

and make sure that things, are not the same

But still I remain, up next in the game

I must admit, it's n

ot my first attempt at this,
but I suck even in practice,

Guess the stakes Are top high

Or maybe I'm too shy

To swing at every pitch

Ball he calls, then strike, then foul
How quickly I'm down in the count now,

Gotta pay attention but i don't see my pitch

It's high and outside

Oh that's ball number 2

Cynic thinks he's slick, but look son, I got you
right past my nose he throws ball 3,

Can't believe the counts now in favor of Me!

So with this last pitch, I

'll take my chanceand swing

I just want a base hit,

As I hit top speed and run for my life

I don't think twice if this is even right

I'm just running like a bat outta hell

and it feels sorta like love put a spell on that last ball

cuz I hit the base quick and I didn't even fall,

But I see this base is not for me

And there's no second guessing,

Here's my chance to steal second

Steal like take what's not mine

or not at this time but it's too close to wait,
so when nobody's lookin

Headed towards this place I know so well,
this base I couldn't tell was closer than it seemed
I'm no Ricky Henderson and I don't do this often,

And I don't do this often but now it's worth the risk

With each step I'm closer to the place I need to be

Now I'm running at the speed of sound

Can't even feel my feet hit the ground

And I know that I'm not only racing against time

I'm racing to get mine and...

I'm pickled between my past and my future

But I cAn't go back I'm likely to get injured

If I keep running foward I might get caught

Might be picked off

Might be...

But with each might I just take flight

I hit the ground so hard

And the base with one hand

I can't hear past the crowd

My mind is in space

Did the umpire yell out

Or am I really, safe?

Falling In love with Reality

Apparently its only something that I can achieve in my dreams.

Sweet Dreams

or

Beautiful Nightmare

Either way I dont wanna wake up...

I dont like this

So my sister is in the hospital and I honestly do NOT like this. There are a lot of emotions that I am trying to deal with that I dont even know how to name them. And its really hard to practice faith in these situations.

Rejoice in the Lord- WHY? I have questions a lot of them like WHY?

Be anxious for NOTHING - but these machines keep beeping and she can't see out of her right side of either eyes. Her memory is failing and I'm watching that... anxious slightly

It's hard to Praise in Advance when you are looking at the current situation.

I don't like this!

Please pray for me and my family its tough and honestly I don't like this.

Intro-spection

So on the eve of my quarter century mark I figure it would be a great idea to take a look at my life and really reflect about the choices that I have made...

This time last year I was entering my 3rd week of teaching altogether as a new career I was excited and frightened all at the same time. This year the excitement has worn off and I focus more on just tryna make it through the day rather than how can I make a difference! That is not exactly the mindset an effective teacher should have however americas youth makes it hard to like them. Ugh!

This time last year I was single and healing from some emotional scars. Some things happened and I needed to work through them. So this time last year God allowed me to open up to some awesome women! Realize that I am a jewel in His crown and move forward. This year... I am still single but no doubt healed from the past hurts that I have been through. I have taken on this new shyness trait only around guys though I mean cuz if you have EVER spoken to me I would say I am the exact opposite of the word shy! I can't put my finger on it but this year I just keep my feelings to myself... One patch of beauty rising out of the ashes of my past relationships.

This time last year I was surrounded by great friends and family and thankful for all of the people I have in my life... This year I am surrounded by great friends and family and thankful for all of the people that I have in my life especially the new additions that I managed to make room for.

So I guess I have grown since last year and I have more growing to do but I am happy where I am...

My beauty is still being made perfect

Maybe I intimidate you...

Allow me to reintroduce myself my name is...

I don't have it all together! I know that I appear to with my car and my job, degree, my own place, my cooking skills, sense of humor, Love for Christ, head on my shoulders, etc, etc, etc.

Maybe you didn't know that I struggle being comfortable with myself most days! That I get homesick often. I hate stress and ironing (well maybe you knew about the ironing part!)

Well God said "I will bestow upon you a crown of beauty instead of ashes..."(Isaiah 61:3) So join me as I empty out my ashtray and receive my crown of beauty